


Tallest

by foxysquid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Androgyny, F/F, F/M, Military, Multi, Ruthless People, Teen Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 07:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1379434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxysquid/pseuds/foxysquid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michaela Zacharius may well be the tallest woman in the world.  She's also the strongest soldier in the Survey Corps.  Someone like her doesn't have time for romance, but the bigger they are, the harder they fall...</p><p>As a new recruit, Mike's already taller than most of the other cadets, and everyone keeps mistaking her for a boy--which wouldn't be so bad, if not for the fact that people insist on viewing someone as tall as she is at her age as a freak of nature.  <i>Most</i> people, that is, but the one who doesn't can be just as much trouble, in his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tallest

**Author's Note:**

> During Erumike Week, I came up with some ideas that I wasn't able to fit in during the week. Now, thanks to my brain, I am apparently obligated to write them all, regardless! I wanted to write a story about gender-bended Mike in which she was just as tall as Mike is in canon, which she will be when she finishes growing. There's absolutely no logic governing who is gender-bended here and who is not.
> 
> It's all rather silly, for which I apologize.

"Name?" The administrator glanced up at her with a bored air, twirling his pen. He smelled like mint, and she suspected he had been chewing some in an attempt to freshen his breath, which had partly worked. She smelled a lot more mint than anything else on his breath.

"Mike," she answered, without thinking. She was nervous about standing in this hall full of unfamiliar people, being studied and recorded by this stranger, so she didn't think to offer her full, official name. Mike was what she was called. No one called her Michaela. It was too much of a mouthful. Her family wasn't composed of big talkers. "Mike Zacharius."

"Height?"

"Six feet," she said.

He frowned, leaning forward in his seat to look her over from head to foot. "How old are you?"

"Almost fourteen." 

"Tall for your age," he observed. She nodded. She was noticeably taller than all the other new recruits she'd encountered. "Could be a drawback," he added darkly.

She nodded again, her face reddening. "Yes, sir." She wanted to be in the Survey Corps, like her mother had been, but like her father, she was--well, about as far from short as it was possible to be. Everyone knew that being short was an advantage in the military. Tall people had more weight and body mass to manage. They were larger targets who had a harder time maneuvering with the 3DMG. Mike wasn't sure if she'd stopped growing yet. Every time she thought she might have, she gained another inch, and she was still only thirteen. She'd never heard of a girl her age as tall as she was, and no one else seemed to have heard of one either, judging by the way they stared. "I'll do my best."

He shrugged, then asked her a few other questions. She answered, as promptly and clearly as she could. Apparently, she wasn't too tall to be prevented from joining up, because at last, the administrator put down his pen and pointed. "All right, Zacharius, head that way. You'll all file out to the parade ground for inspection when you're called. Stand at attention and salute once you're in formation. They want to get a good look at you."

As she walked away from the table where she'd been interviewed, she noticed people turning toward her, gawking at her openly: the tallest new recruit. She bent her head down and reached up to push her hair back when it fell in her eyes. Her hair was cut short, but it fell a little ways past her ears, parted in the middle. If she kept her head down, she wouldn't have to see people staring at her. That would be better. She focused on her uniform, with its trainee crest. It was the same as everyone else's. They were in this together. Once the others were used to her, they probably wouldn't pay her height as much attention. The staring wasn't as bad at home, where people knew her. Not that she was popular at home, but the townspeople were so accustomed to the sight of her that they didn't bother her. Besides, after the hours she spent out in the sun and the rain, working on the farm, they knew she was tougher than most of them, and that they shouldn't hassle her.

Raising her hand up in a salute, and striking her chest with her fist with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, she stood at attention with the other recruits as the head instructor, Amsel, walked down the rows of newcomers, scrutinizing them. Mike had no choice but to display good posture and pull herself up to her full height. She breathed in surreptitiously through her nose, scenting the air. Everything smelled different here. The earth was dry and well-trampled, not warm and rich like farm soil. She could smell horses at a distance, and the trees of the forest that surrounded the camp, but every other scent was overshadowed by the sheer intensity of the humanity concentrated here: the stink of sweat, blood, determination, and the latrines. She was used to smelling people, but not to this extent. It was distracting, and it irritated her nose. It was going to take time to get used to this.

"And look at the giant here." Instructor Amsel stopped in front of her, glaring up at her. "Who the hell stretched you out?" He wasn't short himself, but he wasn't tall, either, squarely medium, with dark eyes and brown hair starting to fade to gray.

"No one, sir." She tried to keep standing tall, although her immediate impulse was to slouch and make herself look smaller. No, she had to remain at attention. Her face felt unbearably hot, and she hoped he didn't point out she was flushing bright red, which must have been the case.

"Wish they could push you back into a proper size. We don't need overgrown soldiers getting in the way."

"Yes, sir."

"You think you can manage not to trip over yourself and fall on your ass?"

Some people thought that standing out was a good thing, but that wasn't necessarily so. It made people take notice of you. It made them remark on you, and what they had to say might not be positive, but you had to deal with it, because you were the one everyone was staring at. "Yes, sir."

"I'll believe that when I see it. So pull your weight! Looks like there's gonna be a lot of it."

It was true. She was too tall and too big for her age. Her arms were muscular, her shoulders broad. Even her hands were large and rough. Size like hers was an advantage on the farm, but not here. Like the horses that pulled the plow: no one would seriously put them in a race; that was for racehorses. All these comments were starting to make her self-conscious. Maybe soldier wasn't the job for her.

Not that she was going to give up. She tried to stand even taller, holding her head up as the instructor moved on, finding someone new to berate. She'd keep trying. Even if she failed, she would have made the effort--but she couldn't think like that. She wasn't going to fail. They were giving her the chance to prove herself, and she would.

"Fall out!" The instructor's call came at last, releasing them from attention, and Mike relaxed. It was over, for now. "Get yourself to the barracks and get your bed assignments. Women's barracks are over there, and the men are that way."

Mike moved as she was bidden, but she soon found herself faced down by one of the older soldiers directing the crowd. "You heard him," she said. "Men's barracks are that way."

Mike started to protest. "But I--"

"Name?" asked the soldier with a sigh. She glanced down at the papers she was holding, likely a list of the new recruits.

"Zacharius."

She shuffled the papers, seeking the end of the list. "Here you are. That way." She pointed toward the men's barracks, toward which all the boys were currently heading.

"I'm not--"

"Don't give me any trouble. I don't care if you need some water or you want to see your mommy. Go report where you've been told to report, recruit. That's the first lesson you need to learn here."

"Yes, sir," said Mike, although her face was burning again. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. Some of the other girls were staring at her, but no one spoke up for her. Why would they? None of them knew her. For all she knew, they thought she was a boy stupidly heading for the wrong building. She turned around and obediently, incredulously, walked the other way.

She was given her bed assignment in the men's dorm, and she stood there staring at it, half-dazed: a bed in the men's barracks, surrounded by other beds which had been assigned to boys. She wasn't sure what she should do next. She had to tell someone what was wrong. They'd made a mistake. She was sure it could be sorted out, but imagining the steps that she'd have to go through to do that was painfully embarrassing. She could prove she was a girl, obviously, but she didn't want to be obligated to do that. Afterward, everyone would know her as the girl who'd been assigned to the men's barracks. Because she looked like a boy and had a boy's name.

"Excuse me?"

She turned, to find one of the boys regarding her curiously. She had been staring at the bed in silence for a while, hadn't she? It had probably looked strange. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," he replied. He wasn't short, but he had to look up at her. He was blond, with wide, bright eyes. Her first impression of him was that he was studying her very intently, as if he intended to take notes later. "I'm Erwin."

"Mike," she said.

"I'm right here." He indicated the bed next to hers.

She nodded.

"Can I ask you a question?" He was polite. His tone was calm and mannerly, as if he was speaking to a friend of his mother's instead of a fellow recruit.

She nodded again.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but--"

He was going to say something about her height, just like everyone else here. She knew it.

He leaned in, lowering his voice, his polite manner shifting into something else, a slight smile on his lips, as if they were sharing a secret. "Aren't you a girl?" he asked.

Mike blinked at him. She wasn't sure what to make of that expression on his face, but after a moment, she nodded a third time, miserably.

"I thought so. I saw you trying to head toward the girls' quarters. I couldn't understand why they were sending you here." Erwin shook his head. "You don't want to be here, do you?"

This time, Mike shook her head instead.

To her surprise, Erwin laughed. "I'm sorry," he said at once. "I shouldn't laugh, but--It's funny, how people see what they want to see."

This was an odd remark. She wasn't sure why people wanted to see her as a boy. Maybe because she was tall and dissimilar to most of the other girls? Mike didn't get the sense that he was mocking her, so she decided not to be offended.

"You know what we should do?" asked Erwin.

Mike decided to shake her head again, as moving her head was proving to be an effective means of communication. Erwin must not have minded. He didn't ask her to talk, and he didn't wait meaningfully for her to say anything, accepting her nonverbal responses immediately. 

"We should see how long we can keep you here, turn it into a joke on them."

At this, she neither nodded nor shook her head. She wasn't sure how to respond. Stay here? Wouldn't continuing in this error continue to confirm that she was an oddity? She didn't want that. She hadn't wanted to stand out, not in the ways she'd managed to so far. She didn't want to become a joke.

"I'll have to change," she said finally, mildly voicing an objection to his plan. She'd have to wash, also. She wasn't taking off her clothes in front of the boys, no matter what.

"We'll figure it out. We'll say you're modest. I'll cover for you."

She could think of a lot of reasons this plan was a bad idea. It was silly and senseless. She was supposed to be training as a soldier, not getting involved in pranks or schemes. Back home, she never played jokes like that. That was why she was surprised by her own answer. She should have offered more objections or presented him with her reasons for not doing it, but he looked so earnest and eager, a smile on his face. She said, "Okay." 

It wasn't so bad, living with the boys. It was better than she expected. For the most part, they didn't bother her. On that first day, some of them teased her, amazingly having come up with the same tall jokes she'd heard a thousand times before. 

"Someone who's tall can still fight," Erwin pointed out. "The preferred heights of effective soldiers aren't a rule. They're an average."

He was probably right, but it was an odd thing to say. She gave him a perplexed look along with everyone else, yet she was very aware of the fact that he was the only one who'd said something like that.

The boys didn't tease her for long. The next morning, in the middle of the aptitude test, as she concentrated on maintaining her balance in the center of the ropes, Head Instructor Amsel suddenly called out, "I want you all to look at this." Mike wasn't sure what he meant, until she realized he was staring at her. She couldn't stop and look at herself, so she kept doing what she was doing. "This is how it's meant to be done. Perfect balance, perfect form, and on the first try. _This_ is what you should be doing, instead of hanging around like limp fish on a line." He leaned in to add, darkly, "Don't fuck it up, Zacharius."

Mike flushed, but kept her focus. She wasn't sure how it was that she'd managed to do it so well. She hadn't been thinking too hard, following the instructions and letting her body do what it wanted, acting on instinct. The test went on, but afterward, she noticed that when people stared at her, it wasn't in the same way. They regarded her with respect. No one made any more remarks about the inevitable failures of tall people.

Erwin hadn't lied. He did cover for her. He stayed by her side, to the extent that more than one person asked her if they'd been friends before joining up. "No," she told them, "we just get along." It was true. They did. Erwin sat with her at meals, and she liked to listen to him talk, even when he said weird things. He could be quite serious, and he would discuss politics at length. She'd never heard anyone talk about saving humanity with so much determination. He would talk to her at night, too, whispering to her in the dark, their beds less than an arm's length apart.

"I always dreamed that we could go outside the walls someday. To walk freely, in the open air. To see the world. Not just to survive, but to change and grow and learn. I know there's so much more than this. We could be free. Right now, we're no better than rats in a trap."

He spoke beautifully. He was smart, maybe smarter than anyone else she knew, but listening to him, she hoped he'd be careful. Not everyone would appreciate what he was saying. Then again, she hadn't heard him say these things to anyone but her. If he thought she wouldn't tell anyone what he said, he was right.

"That's why I want to join the Survey Corps," he said.

In the daytime, she would let her head speak for her, shaking it up and down in a movement that was so much easier than talking. In the darkness, she had to speak aloud. "Yeah."

"And what about you? I'm sure you'll be able to take your pick."

A nod couldn't answer a question with three possible answers, so she was obligated to speak. "Survey Corps."

He didn't sound surprised. "Why's that?"

"I want to help people, I guess." She couldn't speak in beautiful speeches, like he did.

"That's a good reason. Maybe the best."

In the dark, she breathed in. She could smell him. She'd always had an exceptional sense of smell, since she was a little girl, but it wasn't noticeable like her height was, and she kept it to herself. She didn't need something else for people to gape at her over. It didn't matter, did it? No one had to know.

She could pick out everyone's individual scent here in the dorm. But when she smelled Erwin, he stood out. He had his own smell that he could place, but it was faint, and it didn't tell her anything. It didn't tell her what he was thinking or feeling, where he'd been or what he was planning. _Erwin's here. _That was all it said. She didn't mind. It was different, but Erwin was different in a lot of ways. When she finally closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, she was still breathing in his scent.__

__It couldn't last. She couldn't keep living with the boys for years. Erwin had helped her with her supposed modesty so far, spreading the rumor that she was religious, but there wasn't much privacy to be found in the barracks. She changed quickly and carefully, but it made her nervous. Someone was going to find out about their "prank", and the longer it took before that happened, the stranger it would appear to everyone. They'd wonder why hadn't she cleared things up right away. What was Erwin waiting for? If it was going to be a joke, didn't they have to do something to pull it off right?_ _

__Weeks passed before she realized what he was plotting._ _

__A few of the higher ups, including the Commander of the Survey Corps and the Chief of the Military Police, scheduled a visit to the training grounds. They were planning to inspect the recruits, which was an honor, an honor that had everyone scurrying to make the barracks and the grounds and mess hall and every inch of the facility shining and spotless. Her nose told her it was ultimately a lost cause. There was too much dirt and desperation for anyone to be able to scrub it clean. That didn't stop her from scrubbing with all her strength. They couldn't make it clean, but they could make it as clean as possible._ _

__Mike was nervous, because everyone seemed to regard her as the best, and the idea of performing before such important officers and having to prove her reputation was overwhelming. It wasn't that she lacked confidence, but she thought of herself as one of the group, a member of a team, and she didn't care to be singled out. She didn't think it helped her or the cadets as a whole. Competition was something she'd never enjoyed, but in the military, ranking was seen as important, and among the trainees, it was crucial. She'd do what was asked of her. She didn't like to defy the status quo any more than she liked standing out._ _

__On the day of their visit, she tried not to think about it too much, carrying on as she usually did as she did while the men inspected the grounds, led by the instructors. It was none of her business. She had a duty to carry out. She did exactly what she was supposed to do. She ran through the training exercises, displayed her skills on the training equipment. It had become--not effortless, because it took work, but natural to her. Her body moved, and her mind was clear. She was very aware of what she had to do, and everything inessential faded away. She forgot she was being watched. There was only the air and her passage through it, and the flexing, tightening, and release of her muscles. When the call came out to stop them, and it was over, she straightened and stilled. Instructor Amsel was standing in front of her, along with Commander Shadis of the Survey Corps and the Chief of the MP, Gerst. She saluted._ _

__"Zacharius' abilites are exceptional," said Amsel._ _

__"Thank you, sir," said Mike. This was a great honor. Standing at attention, she did her best to look calm and not blush, although she could feel her ears heating. She was very aware of the two high ranking officers' gazes on her, along with everyone else's. Commander Shadis was studying her closely, but there was no readable expression on Gerst's face, his hands folded behind his back. Shadis smelled not unlike Amsel, earthy yet sharp, but Gerst's scent was a bit sour._ _

__"He has a great deal of promise. As you can see. Easily one of the best recruits I've seen in a while."_ _

__"Her name is Michaela," said a voice in the sudden silence. While everyone's attention had been on Mike, Erwin had approached unbidden._ _

__Everyone who had been watching Mike moments ago now turned to regard Erwin. "Michaela Zacharius," he said._ _

__At first, Amzel couldn't formulate a reply. He gaped. But he'd been at this for too long to be speechless for long. "Smith," Amsel snapped, "don't speak until you're spoken to. And get back in line."_ _

__Commander Shadis held up his hand, frowning. "Wait. What does he mean?"_ _

__Erwin answered before anyone could stop him. He addressed Commander Shadis quietly and respectfully, although he was currently breaking more than one regulation. "I mean, sir, that she was forced into the boys' dormitory after arriving. I'm not sure if it was because her superiors were being stupid or cruel, but it's not something I'd expect from senior officers in charge of cadets. It shows a distinct lack of respect."_ _

__Gerst said nothing. Gerst simply watched, though for the first time, an expression surfaced on his face: a distant wryness. Shadis turned back to Mike. "Is this true?"_ _

__Mike wished that Erwin had picked a different time to offer this revelation, or that she'd had some warning about what was going to happen, but she didn't disagree. "Yes, sir."_ _

__Shadis was still frowning at Erwin. "What's your name?"_ _

__"Smith, sir. Erwin Smith."_ _

__"Smith..." He looked from Erwin to Mike thoughtfully._ _

__Amsel snapped, "Dismissed! You're all dismissed. Zacharius, come with me. Smith, I will speak to _you_ shortly." He leaned in toward Erwin in a way that suggested it wasn't going to be a pleasant chat._ _

__After that, it all happened very quickly, once events had been set in motion. Before she knew what was happening, she was back in the men's barracks, but this time, she'd been asked to pack her things in preparation for moving to the women's quarters._ _

__"Leaving already?"_ _

__She turned to see Erwin approaching. She wasn't surprised to see him. She nodded. "Amsel's already done with you?"_ _

__Erwin shrugged. He was very nonchalant for someone who'd just received what had probably been a severe dressing down from his CO. "More or less. I talked my way out of it. I have some laps to run, but I came back here first."_ _

__"You're good at talking."_ _

__"Thanks."_ _

__She hadn't entirely meant it as a compliment. "You're going to get into more trouble doing this."_ _

__"I wanted to see you off."_ _

__"I'll still see you every day." The barracks weren't far apart, and the male and female cadets ate and trained and did almost everything but sleep together._ _

__"But I'm losing my neighbor," said Erwin._ _

__He said it as if it were important. She could understand that. She'd miss talking to him at night. She'd gotten used to that, to the soft sound of his whisper in the dark. Mike smiled, but she didn't feel grateful to him for what he'd done. She felt more annoyed. He was the one who was responsible for this, for her settling down and packing up again. For everyone staring at her. Although it was her fault, too. She'd willingly gone along with him. She sighed as she stooped to gather her things. It wasn't going to take her long. She didn't have many possessions, only what she had been allotted and a few small mementos from home. She folded up her uniforms and placed them neatly in the bag she'd been given for this purpose._ _

__"I'm sorry," said Erwin, as if he sensed what was bothering her. "Maybe I shouldn't have done that. But we cadets are the future of the military. They need us. I can't stand to see people discounted or ignored, or treated like they mean less because they're not as powerful. I wanted to show them up, in front of everyone. I wanted them to be reprimanded for what they'd done. That's what's going to happen now."_ _

__The soldiers who'd been responsible for her ending up in the boys' barracks probably would be punished. Amsel had been red with anger, and when asked, Mike had loyally refrained from mentioning that staying in the men's barracks instead of clearing up the matter had been Erwin's idea. It was strange to think that Erwin could have planned and executed something like that. She'd never known anyone who was so good at planning. "Maybe you're right, but I'm not people. I'm a person," said Mike._ _

__Erwin stared at her. For once, he had nothing to say. Was he concerned? Was he worried he might have actually hurt her feelings? She'd have sniffed at the air if she'd thought it would have told her anything about what he was thinking._ _

__She sighed again. "It's okay. I'm not mad. But I wish you'd told me first."_ _

__Erwin smiled. "All right. Next time I'll tell you first. I promise"_ _

__Mike looked up. Her things were ready. It was time for her to go. There was no reason for her to stay longer. They were waiting for her over at the other barracks. "Next time?" she asked._ _

__"You have to admit," he said, "it was a little funny. The look on instructor Amsel's face..."_ _

__Mike thought about it. He had a point. Thinking back over it, the expressions on the faces of the cadets and instructors had been noteworthy. Memorable. She'd been embarrassed, but she'd also been part of a plan, one of two people who'd known what was going on. "A _little_ ," she agreed carefully. She didn't want to encourage him too much._ _

__"I knew you'd think so."_ _

__Her efforts at caution had been wasted. She'd encouraged him. Mike shook her head. What else could she say?_ _

__"I'll see you at dinner, Mike," said Erwin._ _

__She shouldered her bag and headed out. "See you then."_ _


End file.
